Why do men with pretty mates buy pornography?

Dear Zazz: As a man, maybe you can offer some insights for allwomen. Why do men buy pornographic magazines even when they'remarried to attractive women?

I recently discovered lewd magazines in my husband's drawer.These magazines were beyond the soft porn of Playboy. To me, theywere almost perverted.

I caught him with pornographic magazines four years ago, and hevowed he'd never buy the stuff again. This time, all he could saywas that he didn't know why he'd done it: He didn't want to, butsomething compelled him.

Zazz, our sex life could be better, but it's still good. Thesemagazines disgust me and make me feel that my husband is beingunfaithful by looking at graphically sexual photos of other women.

I wonder if I'm not attractive enough for him. And, most ofall, I worry that my otherwise kind, loving husband has some sort ofsecret, perverted obsession. A WORRIED WIFE

Dear W.W.: Men are stimulated by pornography because itsatisfies their primary fantasy: access to as many beautiful women asdesired without risk of rejection. This is the assertion of WarrenFarrell, author of Why Men Are the Way They Are.

Psychologists say that just because a man reads Playboy,Penthouse or even harder-core men's magazines doesn't necessarilymean there's a problem in his marriage or that he longs to beunfaithful. Looking at unattainable, naked women allows a man toremember his masculinity and indulge in his fantasies withoutthreatening what he cherishes most - his real life.

However, an interest in pornography may indeed signify a man'simmaturity or his desire to keep one foot outside the marriage. Andan obsession with pornography obviously is troubling. Studies showit may suggest or lead to disturbed, even violent impulses.

Your husband's porn collection doesn't necessarily mean he lovesyou any less or finds you unattractive. It reflect his lack ofsatisfaction in your sex life together - in which case, talk aboutways to improve it.

Reiterate how upset you are about his collection. He mostlikely would prefer to get rid of his porn than lose you. And, ofcourse, if he senses that he has an unhealthy obsession, encouragehim to consider counseling.

Dear Zazz: I'd like to respond to "Feeling Helpless," the womanwhose son's preschool teacher was being curt and nasty to him for noapparent reason.

I had a similar problem with my son's second-grade teacher. Ihad the principal and others at the school observe my son. Theydetermined that he is just a normal, inquisitive child and that histeacher had made him an oddball and curiosity to the class. Theytransferred him immediately, probably saving his self-esteem.

"Feeling Helpless" must act now. B. T.

Dear Zazz: I'm writing because I can't bear for one more Westerncultural assumption to deny the existence of the rest of us in themelting pot in America.

Your readers ought to know that almost all black American menfind that hairy legs on a woman are a serious turn-on. Educate yourreaders so that when they see a hairy-legged black woman, they won'tassume she's gross. B. T.

Dear B.T.: I've spoken to several black co-workers who agreedwith you. Of course, we can't stereotype all black American men, andI'm sure I'll hear from readers who think otherwise.

Write Zazz, Box 3455, Chicago 60654.